Book Review: Colin Cowherd, You Herd Me

DVR may be the best addition to the television viewing experience since the remote. You don’t have to be in front of the TV at precisely 9:00 to catch the new episode of Homeland. Missed that play? Rewind live TV. Usually I start watching an hour-long program at 20 past the hour so I can skip commercials.

That’s a big reason why I like the ESPN Radio app. You to scrub up to an hour behind the live schedule. I don’t have to tune in at exactly 10:00am to hear Colin Cowherd’s opening rant.

There’s something about the way this guy argues. With an arrogant yet appropriate confidence, he spends the first 10-12 minutes of his show going off on something. Usually sports, but not always.

And for me, it seems every rant evokes a protruding bottom lip, a head nod, and a, “hmm…yeah.”

This rant from April 2012 summarizes what Cowherd is about – he talks about what the listeners want, “and (the listeners) love porn, fast food, and reality television.”

Cowherd book

Cowherd’s new book You Herd Me, I’ll Say it if Nobody Else Will is a collection of rants that mimic his opening ones on radio.

I believe Cowherd’s high popularity stems from his lack of bias toward anything. It’s the reason I make an effort to tune in to his show. He doesn’t persuade you. He lays out both sides of an argument, tells you how he feels, then lets you decide for yourself.

Through Cowherd’s direct, informal voice, I sensed passion in every chapter. Even if you disagree with his stance, he makes it easy to dissect.

And similar to ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith, Cowherd tells you know when he’s wrong. The final chapter of his book lists some of his major mistakes and miscalculations. In my opinion it boosts his credibility.

The chapters range from 4-10 pages so it’s a great jigsaw puzzle read: some now, some later. I was entertained, but also learned a lot about the sports world from a professional with the access to back up his unique standpoints, ones that include:

– Tiger Woods isn’t really a sex addict, he just has great PR
– Peyton Manning is too talented for the NFL
– Andrew Luck should have been the clear-cut favorite to win Rookie of the Year

For fun he’ll throw in his take on why Tampa is the worst place in the country to live or why parents with babies have no right to board planes first.

Other chapters that caught my ear include:

– Major League Baseball and the Republican Party face eerily similar problems
– Without a strong father, you cannot be a successful quarterback or point guard
– Nike is responsible for Michael Jordan’s impenetrable image

Cowherd’s strong demeanor may be confused with a sense of invincibility and a superego. It has gotten him in trouble before, like in 2005 when WWE wrestler Eddie Guerrero died suddenly of hardened and constricted arteries, Cowherd said “he passed away doing steroids.”

Once I got past Cowherd’s matter-of-fact tone, I came to find the humor in it.  

Overall, I highly recommend this book to any sports fan. Cowherd’s knowledge touches all sports (not hockey), but also ranges into his passion for politics. The MLB/GOP comparison from earlier is a good example. The chapters are put together in no particular order, so if you strongly disagree with a topic it’s easy to skip to the next one. If you’re familiar with Cowherd’s style, you’ll get a few laughs.

I’m finishing my Christmas shopping Saturday. Any other procrastinators out there? This might be a good bail out with Christmas around the corner.

A Blizzard in Super Bowl XLVIII Would Be a Big Win for Football

What were you doing when you were seven years old? Video games? Cartoons? Playing outside with your neighborhood contemporaries?

I loved video games, probably a little too much. But every year, New Jersey treated us to its seemingly annual blizzard. Homework got pushed back a day or two, and everyone knew how they would substitute their school day.

Football.

Football was a run-of-the-mill option on regular days. Throw it in the rotation with basketball, tennis racket baseball, skateboarding, man hunt.

But when it snowed, everyone reported to the Common Ground.

It’s like playing football on a Tempurpedic Mattress. Every catch was a diving attempt, the trusty double-reverse hail mary was out of the arsenal because no one could hold onto the ball, and you actually considered punting.

Snow adds that extra dimension – to any sport. It has given us some of the best games of all time:

Snowplow game, Dolphins/Patriots, December 12, 1982 (wiki)

Conditions were so poor for this game, work release inmates were asked to plow the 10, 20, etc. yard markers for officials. Inmate and Patriots fan Mark Henderson decides to clear the spot from where the Patriots kicked the eventual game-winning field goal. The fourth-quarter score accounted for the only points of the sloppy contest.

2008 Winter Classic, Penguins/Sabres, January 1st, 2008 (wiki)

During blizzard-like conditions, the puck wouldn’t slide and players looked like they were first learning how to skate. The Penguins won in a shootout.

Yankees 1996 Home Opener, Royals/Yankees, April 9, 1996 (box score)
A mundane 7-3 Yankees win became a Yankees Classic when snow fell for much of the mid-April day. The Royals committed four errors in Derek Jeter’s first Home Opener.

Snow adds an extra dimension. The playing field becomes level. That’s why I enjoy watching the pro-bowl. I don’t care it’s not “real football.” It’s entertaining. It’s different.

The main premise of this post is the excitement of the potentially unexpected and never seen is desirable enough to push aside the potential damage of the weather’s byproduct implications.

The opposition argument is certainly sound – how can you let an unpredictable force play a crucial role in perhaps sports’ biggest annual game? If you’re a fan of an elite team, I understand. But for the other 93% of fans who won’t be represented, I think a blizzard would be fun to see.

As a 2013 Giants fan, I won’t have to worry about that 7%.

EDM, We are living through the most significant era in music history.

Dating back as far as human history takes us, music has consisted of strings, percussion, and wind. 

With the advent of electricity, we recorded music, but really didn’t nail the electricity/music combination until the electric guitar hit mainstream around the 1970s.

All of a sudden, we heard a different sound.

Are you a Led Zeppelin fan? Maybe Metallica? Personally I’m not, but how cool must that have been to hear Slash rip a solo on stage for the first time. What did “rock and roll” sound like to an 80 year old who grew up on vaudeville? Electric guitar was a brand new sound to human ears – an rare accomplishment in the history of music.

On a grander scale, that’s what’s happening right now.

My ear dances toward Electronic Dance Music – music created using only your MacBook Pro. For the first time in the history of music, we are creating sounds without the use of wind, strings, or a drum equivalent.

For the first time in recordable history, “instrument-less” music doesn’t just exist, but is arguably the most popular music in arguably the world’s most important country. For the first time ever, a computer is the instrument, introducing us to sounds literally unimaginable to someone 50 years ago.

Take a ride in my time machine back 60 years. Play them any song off Skrillex’s album Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites.

Since the beginning, we have invented new instruments, but they have always been a variation of strings, percussion, or wind. Can you name an instrument as unique as the computer?

Is this the 40-year window where music changed forever?

Where will music be in 50 years? Electricity is not going away, nor is the idea we can make music from it. In 50 years we may have original sounds, but electricity will (probably) be the basis of its creation.

Squidward FutureTake a ride in my time machine to the year 3013. I’m assuming music will always exist, and let’s more safely assume they still have Ryan Seacrest’s Top 40. Do you think electricity will play at least a small role in their popular music? Until maybe 100 years ago, electricity played zero role in any music ever composed. While I can’t predict the future, I can’t imagine how electricity or a futuristic equivalent could play zero role in day-to-day life.

I think for the next hundreds, maybe thousands of years, people will reflect on our lifetime as the period of greatest significance in recordable history – when the computer joined the Strings, Percussion, and Wind fraternity.

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The 2001 Yankees is Sports’ Greatest Tragedy Story

On November 4th 2001, I was lying in bed listening to game 7 of the 2001 World Series on radio. My father wouldn’t let me watch past a certain time because I had school the next day. I forget when, but at some point he came into my room and invited me into his to watch. I’ll never forget that.

My team was coming off three consecutive World Series wins and on the verge of number four. As an 11 year old, I  had only seen success. Four World Series championships watered down by my spoiled subconscious telling me, “Of course the Yankees will win.” I had never seen anything different.

And then this happened.

In that moment, shock, confusion, and disbelief showed me sports are never scripted. It’s the ultimate reality television. My team is mortal.

But wasn’t it supposed to be the perfect storm?

The Capital of the World, ravaged by arguably the worst terrorist attack in recordable history, overcomes all odds to win the championship of America’s Pastime, odds that included:

– A month earlier: Derek Jeter’s game-saving flip to Jorge Posada against the Athletics helped the Yankees rally from two games down to win the ALDS
– Four days prior: A ninth-inning, two-run, game-tying home run preceded an extra-inning walk-off win at Yankee Stadium
– Three days prior: The same thing, off the same pitcher

(According to baseball reference, entering the ninth inning, the Yankees had a 10% chance to win those games. One in 100 to win both)

It’s tough to paint the Yankees as the victim in sports’ greatest tragedy, but that’s what gives this story the added dimension – everyone hates the Yankees. September 11th temporarily changed that, and never again will the Evil Empire have more likeability than they did that postseason.

My thesis statement here is the headline of this article. The pieces were in place for a perfect story.

Until the last chapter, it was.

The goat of that last chapter, Mariano Rivera will retire at the end of the 2013 season. The greatest closer of all time will no longer throw his golden pitch. The number 42 will never again make the red carpet jog from the Yankee Stadium bullpen to its mound. Enter Sandman will be retired.

Yes, players of all sports post tangible numbers, but different fans assign different weight to different stats, thus rarely is one player unanimously rendered “The Greatest”.

Can you make the argument why Mariano Rivera isn’t the greatest closer of all time?

*Arguing a “closer” needs to throw more than an inning, ala Goose Gossage or Dennis Eckersley, is the sole sound argument I’ve heard against Rivera, but I think that argument is lame when stacked up against Rivera’s consistent numbers.*

His career’s only beauty mark  came November 4th, 2001.

On baseball’s biggest stage, in the world’s biggest city, facing the world’s worst terroist attack in recent memory, a country came together as the tattered American flag from the North Tower waved bravely above Yankee Stadium, where 13 miles away the fire still burned. Instead, a small market team from Arizona celebrated.

What sports tragedy compares? For argument’s sake, I don’t count stories like the Marshall University tragedy or similar others that transcend sports. If you can think of others, I want to hear. I don’t want my bias as a Yankees fan to influence my opinion. I simply couldn’t think of another sports tragedy equal.

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Falling Asleep at the Wheel? Freestyle Rap to Yourself

My job requires obscure hours. Most of my shifts are 8:00pm – 4:00am. I have a very manageable, traffic-free, 40-minute commute home, but sometimes I do feel on the verge of dozing.

Drinking coffee cures the issue, but prevents me from sleeping once I arrive home. I’ve tried to put the windows down and blast some uptempo music, but that only works with varied success.

To stay awake at the wheel, I freestyle rap to myself. When alone, it works better than any other method I’ve tried.

I don’t mean shuffle The Eminem Show. Listen to an instrumental rap song and make your own verse. Trying to create rhymes before the end of the beat forces your brain to stay active and alert. The minute I rap I feel re-energized.

I’m a terrible rapper. I don’t think I’m good, nor do I care to be. But the premise is to stay safe and save lives.

Rap about anything. Usually I just rap about what I see.
“That green sign there says a mile to exit 12,
In the right lane – I’m just rapping to myself”

The raps are terrible, and I would never dare record one. But again, it gets me home safely.

Other rap topics:
How was your day? Anything interesting happen? SSDD?
What are you wearing right now?
What did you eat today?
Did that cute girl/guy at work do anything funny today?

I understand the generalities and stereotypes of rap: It’s not real music, it promotes bigotry and violence, etc. I’m not saying those are true or untrue, but don’t neglect this potential life-saving advice simply on the basis of a prejudice toward rap. I know people who would refuse this advice on that premise.

Below are three instrumental rap songs to download – no lyrics, just the beat. The next time you feel on the verge of dozing at the wheel, play one, drop a line, and let’s see your terrible rap skills. If you’re worse than I am, then all the power to ya because I’m not sure if that’s possible.

Who knows, maybe you’ll discover a new talent.

A Horrific Season is What the Yankees Need to Return to Greatness

Hiroki Kuroda I was talking to my friend a few days ago about the Yankees Red Sox opener. We started joking how the the rivals are fighting for fourth place in the AL East this year.

Isn’t it incredible how you can make that comment only half-kidding?

For the first time in about 16 years, Boston and New York fans must succumb to the three “other” teams in the AL East. As a Yankees fan, Toronto, Tampa, and Baltimore have been just thorns in our sides, would-be tacklers failing perennially to prevent my Bombers from reaching the endzone.

Not this year.

And I’m okay with it.

I’m a little excited in an abstract way. Injuries and payroll dump may result in a Yankees team of homegrown talent, not multi-million-dollar synthetic puzzle pieces. Maybe my team can relax and bond over watered down expectations instead of folding under the postseason pressure to quench a near-insatiable thirst of “World Series or bust”.

Perpetual greatness allows for occasional mediocrity.

Look at the 2011 Indianapolis Colts. Just like the Yankees, Peyton Manning & Co. were a perennial powerhouse, spoon fed VIP entrance to the playoffs from week one. Eventually, age settled in and the Colts needed to start fresh. Incredibly they only needed one year and a #1 pick to bounce right back to Super Bowl contention, but they played their cards right and inquired from within, just like the Yankees dynasty from the late 90s.

Here’s the payroll (money…rank in league) of the last ten World Series Champions:

San Francisco Giants: $118M……8
St. Louis Cardinals: $105M………11
San Francisco Giants: $98……….10
New York Yankees: $201………….1
Philadelphia Phillies: $98………..12
Boston Red Sox $143……………….2
St. Louis Cardinals $89……………11
Chicago White Sox $75…………….13
Boston Red Sox $125……………….2
Florida Marlins $49…………………25

The theory is sound: better players = higher chance of winning, better players = more money, more money = higher chance of winning. Ya spend more, ya win more.

It just doesn’t work like that.

If you told me the Yankees will go 72-90 but will give their home-grown talent reps and experience, I’d take it. *On second thought, I’d rather that season come next year. I want to see Mariano Rivera and Andy Pettitte get one last chance at a title.*

Unfortunately, for a team that has lead the league in payroll every single year since 2001 (numbers here), they have but one World Series to boast during that time.

Yankees “big” free agent contracts since 2004:
Disaster deal, Okay deal, Good deal, Great deal (in my opinion)

Alex Rodriguez – 10/252, 10/275
Carl Pavano – 4/40
Johnny Damon – 4/52
Kei Igawa – 5/20
A.J. Burnett – 5/82.5

CC Sabathia – 7/161
Mark Teixeria – 8/180

Maybe I’m a little harsh, but has any contract since Mike Mussina’s 6/88.5 deal  been a great sign?

Dr EvilMaybe these large contracts in a big market are disguises for failure. A-Rod said it himself. He used steroids with Texas to help reach near unrealistic expectations. When presented with a salary many fans will never see in their lifetime, it’s a lot of pressure.

Chemistry wins championships. Not paychecks.

The $200M mindset is a great, aggressive strategy, but it’s not how you win World Series. Plus, there’s more excitement rooting for Brett Gardner or a young Robinson Cano as opposed to a free agent filling the Yankees laundry.

So what if Hiroki Kuroda is injured. So what if we throw a minor league team out there until late May. But I want to see what we have in our farm system. I just don’t feel like Lyle Overbay, Travis Hafner, and Ben Francisco are more than temporary patch jobs. Let’s go Yankees. It’s been 13 years. We’re due for a dynasty.

NBA, Change the Jump Ball Rule

I’m not talking about the opening tip – just in-game jumps.

A few months ago I argued shots beyond half court should not count as field goals attempted as a way to straighten curbed statistics. My only other qualm with NBA rules is the situation asked of players in mid-game jump ball situations.

As current rules dictate, if Player A gets tied up with Player B (both have “possession”), the whistle is blown and both players tip off at the circle nearest where the whistle blew. The ref throws the ball up and both try to tip it to their team.

But if I’m 5’10 and induce a jump ball with 7’1″ Dikembe Mutombo, I get to try and out jump this guy:

Might as well not have even played defense. Mutombo wouldn’t have to even jump against most players under ~6’3″~.

Us vertically challenged people want fair rights! This is an outrage!

If you’re not going to use college basketball’s possession arrow, let teams choose their tallest player on the court for mid-game jump balls. If I get tied up with Shaquille O’Neal, let my buddy Yao Ming try to win the tip – this way most accurately rewards a good defensive play.

One more issue: When a jump ball is called with less than five seconds on the shot clock, the clock resets to five seconds. If I’m playing great defense and induce a jump ball with one second on the shot clock – when if I didn’t play defense it would most likely result in a bad shot or shot clock violation – the offensive team has now a 50:50 chance (on the jump ball) to get off a clean shot, as I feel five seconds is enough time to do so.

This rare, but possible situation puts defenders in the awkward position of “Should I play my best defense right now,” a thought that, morally, should never to enter a player’s head in any sport.

Instead of resetting the shot clock to five seconds, add two seconds to whatever the shot clock read at the whistle. Give the ball those seconds to find its possesser and go from there.

In summary:
Let teams choose which player jumps for possession
Abandon the five-second rule and replace it with a +2 second rule

A month ago I voiced my displeasure on how many players refuse to throw up prayers in the final seconds of quarters as a way to strengthen statistics. Commissioner Stern, don’t be so stern. Adjust for changes that positively affect the game. Tweak the jump ball rule and don’t count shots beyond half court as field goals attempted.